The Wisdom of the Inner Child
Within each of us there exists a young child. This child, despite being young in age, is arguably far wiser and far more intuitive than the conscious, thinking adult mind could ever hope to be. The connection between these two parts, the adult and the child, is fundamental to mental health and well-being.
Those who grow up with a secure attachment to their caregivers (not many of us, FYI) will already have a strong connection to the inner child by the time they reach adulthood, because they will have learned from their parents how to truly love and take care of themselves. This connection will be obvious: these people will be playful, assertive, open-hearted, and trusting of others.
Then there are those of us who grew up insecurely attached to our caregivers (the majority of the population) and who therefore did not complete these early developmental stages. In this population of people, the skills of how to properly love and take care of ourselves were never learned, and the connection with the inner child is completely lost by the time we reach adulthood. Often the voice of this inner child has been muted and covered up by years of rejection and pain, and it is hard for us to even sense that the inner child still exists inside of us.
When we finally do the work to uncover this abandoned inner child later in life, it is not uncommon for deep feelings of anger and grief to come to the surface, from all the years of feeling neglected, abandoned, or abused. This can feel pretty scary, and is one of the reasons why some people might not want to discover this child inside of them. It is hard to remain numb to all of your pain once the inner child comes out of hiding.
When we make the decision to reconnect with the child inside of us at whatever cost, and we get back in touch with all of the pain we’ve been avoiding for so long, we also gain access to a depth of connection and intimacy with ourselves that is far better than any drug. When one consistently pays attention to the inner child (and I mean consistently, it is a full time job), a sacred connection becomes possible.
When there is no connection to the inner child, connection to others is limited. Likewise, when we are fully connected to the inner child, the world becomes an enchanted place, with the potential for connection everywhere. We can easily connect with other human beings, with birds, a tree, or the moon. Think of how much awe and wonder children have, and how much pleasure they experience in the simplest things. Do you think that’s no longer possible for you? This state of total connection is one of the most precious experiences of being a human being, and it is a birth right for all of us.
This connection also tends to greatly enhance intuition. All of a sudden the child inside has a lot to say, and seems to be remarkably intuitive in knowing what’s best for us. Gone are the days of dating the wrong people, holding onto friendships that don’t serve us, and putting ourselves in situations that do us harm No more self-abandonment. The wise, intuitive inner child is here to stay and it is one of our greatest allies.
Go play outside in the grass with this kiddo and see what he/she wants to do. Indulge in the boundless creativity and imagination of this part of you. Keep an eye on what this child is feeling as you go about your day. Notice what happens when you temporarily lose connection with this part of yourself. Notice if there is anyone you feel you need to hide this part of you from, and why. In which situations does the child not feel fully safe? With a partner? With friends? With family?
As we build a relationship with the child within, we begin to feel a sense of wholeness and belonging in the world that is truly life-changing. If you’d like some help learning how to do this, contact me.
